Dreamworld


In my dreams,
You come to me.
I see you from afar,
I try to run to you,
But it feels like
I’m moving through
Quicksand,
Slowly sinking to the unknown.

As you get closer,
I notice the small details of you.
One shade of you has a football in one hand,
My heart in the other.
I see your blonde brown hair turn gold
In the sunset.
You have a big build,
Broad shoulders,
Strong chest.
I see you take strong deep breaths.
As you get closer,
I can see you.
Your fair skin,
Defined nose,
Pink lips,
Long eyelashes framing
Those beautiful
Blue grey green eyes.
You reach toward me,
So I can grab your hand and get out of this mess,
But your appearance suddenly
Changes.


Now,
Your hair is chestnut brown,
Your eyes a fusion of moss green, hazel, and silver.
Your small nose,
Your smooth lips,
Your flawless cheekbones.
Strong shoulders,
Your lithe build.
Your long legs,
Your strong, muscular arms,
Holding onto a skateboard in one hand,
A heart in the other.
From your thin shirt,
I see the muscles standing out,
I see your chest rise and fall gently,
Breathing slow,
Deliberate breaths.
The twinkle in your eyes
Puts the stars to shame.
Hope is painted on your lips,
You smile faintly.
You slightly flick your head,
So that lock of chocolate brown hair
Isn’t in your way.


You reach out with your hand,
Trying to grab me.
I feel the sand up to my ribs,
Starting to constrict.
Your whole frame flickers from
Broad shouldered,
Tall, your frame painting a shadow
Over me.
Those blue grey eyes,
Oh, they’re so beautiful,
Shining with all the love he can give me,
A love so true,
He cannot put it into words.
They call my name sweetly,
Lure me in.
I want to fall again,
Fall into those blue grey eyes.
Fall into him.


And then in a blink of an eye,
You change again.
To the sweet,
Shy boy.
The longish dark brown hair,
Those soft moss green hazel eyes,
Those inviting outstretched arms,
That smile,
Promising to treat me better than I will ever deserve.


But you slip,
And the grip on my heart
Slides.
We both watch,
Fascinated,
Transfixed,
Watching it fall faster,
Gaining momentum.
And as it shatters on the
Hard, cold ground,
                                                       
                                                                                I scream.


I feel the ache deep inside myself,
Eating everything in its path.
From the place where my heart used to be,
It starts shredding up everything.
My soul,
My mind,
My being.
I feel the poison flowing through
My bloodstream,
Lethal and thick,
Traveling throughout my system.
Intoxicating me,
With your self.


You kneel down,
Try to put back the pieces.
But it’s too late for that.
A heart’s like glass,
Once you break it,
It may take months,
Even years to fix it from
The sharp, broken fragments.
But one thing I know for certain.
If you break something,
It’ll never be exactly the same
Ever again.


I’m watching with pained eyes,
As you gather my heart,
Piece by piece,
And cradle it in your hand.
Your image flickers back and forth,
From the boy who has my heart,
To the boy who almost had it.
From gold
To chestnut,
From blue sea grey
To hazel moss green silver.
From tall and strong,
To average and lithe.
From my first love,
To my second.
To the familiar boy I love,
To the unknown boy I could find myself loving.
I feel myself still
Sinking,
The pressure on my chest,
Unbearable.
I hear the wind
Whooshing in and out
Of my small lungs,
Taking in each
Possible breath
Before the end.

As the sands of Time envelops
My body,
I thrust out my hand
In vain.
One last attempt to
Be saved.
My vision starts to blot out,
Deadly small blue dots
Taking over my vision.
Last thing I feel is
Your hand stroking mine…








                                                                                

                                                                                      And then I wake up.